Shattergrounds

Dear Commissariat Shareholders,

Our fellow Exrah, you have no doubt received a report of an emergency Combined Human Aid Delegation public broadcast to the planet of Concilium Prima decrying the assault of the QCC on a CHAD-shepherded Human refugee escort. Though outside our usual operating procedure of employing simulated focus groups and think-tank analysts, it was necessary to expedite a narrative before Haqqislam or QCC-aligned forces could publish their findings. It is imperative that the Humans continue to see us as benevolent and their own governments as the problem if we are to see future ROI.

To that end, we have treated the Humans with care, fostering a powerful word of mouth marketing campaign of our deeds and the idea that we represent a utopian Galactic Federation. This lends credibility to our claim to not be the aggressor, a reality sold cheaply as each day the Human refugees we rescue are witness to Panoceania forces attacking our Humanitarian centres, a source of abundant exploitable media. However, in this case, it is not a Human power who has posed a risk to our investment, but a more intractable problem:

The Hegemony's own Sheskiin.

Based on surviving REM data, the Human herd was under the escort of Task Force Kampilan of the QCC with a supposed destination of Bhai. In this conflict, Shasvastii agitators used trained Taigha to lure the Humans protectors into an ambush.

It is at this juncture that Sheskiin and her Shasvastii cull the Human civilian herd. Although we acknowledge that such assets were already in the escort of declared enemy forces and unlikely to yield returns, without their protectors, such Humans are easily edited and converted to the Hegemony cause, as is our preferred protocol. Instead, Shasvastii forces picked clean the bodies of identification and began assuming Human identities. Other than the Human meat, all other valuables could not be secured by CHAD. Furthermore, it is likely the manner of refugee deaths spoiled the meat, in which case only third grade processing can be approved, a poor acquisition.

While the Shasvastii were eventually cooperative and used their new identities as Human refugees to corroborate the narrative that the QCC attacked CHAD relief volunteers, it was only after much posturing on their part. Our officers report that the Shasvastii reacted poorly to our critique of their wastefulness, threatening our Commissariat with "the same fate as the Concordiat" and Sheskiin herself declaring that she "does not work for us," and that we instead "are in [her] employ."

Their agreement to be interviewed by local Human war correspondents was secured with passage off-world among the many Humans we are helping reunite with families across Human space. Marketing has agreed to accept the extra expense as part of their budget.

Important for us to now consider is the effect of these unwanted interventions by our Shasvastii overseers on delicate CHAD operations. How might we mitigate them? Do we simply adopt them as part of necessary expenses? These are the challenges that lie ahead for CHAD in its relationship with the Ur Hegemony.

Thank you Shareholders for your time. We will soon announce committee assignments with which to consider each facet of this issue in depth, so please keep your dominant-senses active.

To the question of whether we will find a solution to the Sheskiin Problem, please remember the CHAD motto: CHAD says yes! Thank you.

[polite corporate clapping and an outro for "CHADwick, executive officer of the Commissariat Human Asset Distribution department. On to our next presenter, CHADington."]